


when the party’s over

by cinvmatic



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Always Bisexual David Dobrik, Angst, Breakup, Crying, David Dobrik Needs A Hug, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Rebounds, Todd Smith Needs A Hug, Unhealthy Relationships, and they try to end it, basically david and todd are doing some unhealthy stuff, david is gay on the down low, kinda based on a billie eyelash song, they both need slaps across the face too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-06 19:43:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17351417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinvmatic/pseuds/cinvmatic
Summary: “a piece of me will always want you. i... i'm never gonna not love you, dave."todd finishes talking, but they’re all counterfeit words. all he wants to do is use david as a distraction and the latter can’t really blame him, can he? he can’t blame him, because todd’s right - david did the exact same thing. they never actually wanted each other, they just needed to feel something other than the dull ache of heartbreak.“you don’t love me,” david replies, “you just love the idea of me.”[or: david and todd aren't good for each other, and it's time they talk about it]





	when the party’s over

**Author's Note:**

> me: is in a healthy, happy relationship with an amazing girl that i don’t deserve 
> 
> me: writes this??
> 
> ps, i KNOW i have tons of shit in the works rn. i’m trying! the additions i wanna add to my To Build A Home series are taking longer than expected so i decided to write something different and get my creative juices flowing. thanks for being patient with me! -ty
> 
> listen to when the party’s over by billie eilish whilst reading, if you want.
> 
> ...
> 
> EDIT: my girl and i broke up like a week after i wrote this so maybe i was foreshadowing idk

_Don’t you know too much already?_

_I’ll only hurt you if you let me._

_Call me friend but keep me closer,_

_(call me back)_

_And I'll call you when the party's over._

 

Todd is nothing but a bad taste in David’s mouth.

No matter how many times he pretends, the aftermath of _them_ is never a pleasant experience - it’s all cold beds and slammed doors and downright lies.

Lies that neither of them can afford to hear anymore.

"Just look me in the eye and tell me the truth! Tell me that you've had enough, tell me that I don't make you happy anymore. Just fucking _tell me_ , so we can get this over and done with and cut the pain short."

Todd’s voice is strained, and David has to look away from him. He desperately wants to provide comfort, desperately wants to numb Todd’s pain - whether that’s through kind words or bare skin, David doesn’t mind. He physically can’t stand to see his friend like this. Beaten down and broken. He fucking hates it, _hates_ that he's the one who put Todd in this state of mind, but he also knows that it's the right thing to do.

David can’t bring himself to pretend anymore. He can’t bring himself to act like everything is okay, when Todd makes his heart stutter for all the wrong reasons.

“You know, we were never going to last,” David whispers to the ground, and he can only picture Todd’s face right now. They acted for so long, avoided the elephant in the room for so long that it’s hard to finally hear the truth out loud.

“I still loved you, David.”

“Loved? As in, past tense?”

David looks up at Todd, and his eyes burn. They can’t keep doing this. _They_ _can’t._

When his question remains unanswered, he opts to continue.

“You- you’re like poison, you know that right? The longer I’m with you, the more I destroy myself, and yet I can’t stop. I’m... I’m addicted to the feeling of you and it _hurts_ , it hurts because I know that this isn’t permanent. We keep saying it is, we keep saying that we’re okay and shit but I can tell that we’re holding onto something that isn’t real. It’s clear every time you leave or shout or- or mutter her name under your breath - this isn’t _healthy_ , Todd.”

David’s voice is hoarse, and Todd has tears streaming down his face.

 _Don’t give in,_ David tells himself.

“You’re no better than I am.”

Todd moves closer, and David has to hold his breath. Calloused hands caress his waist and he breathes in Todd’s scent, relishes in the feeling for a little longer before pushing the older man away.

Todd sighs.

“You didn’t have to lead me on,” he says.

“You didn’t have to use me as your rebound.”

Todd laughs at this, actually laughs, and David has to shamefully avert his gaze.

“You know you did the _exact same fucking thing,_ Dobrik.”

David swallows the lump in his throat. He can hear the venom in Todd’s voice and he can tell that if they don’t wrap this up soon, it’s going to hurt so much more. As much as he wants this to end right now, he knows that they’ll both spit words they don’t mean (and words they do), and the conversation will end with shattered hearts rather than bruised ones.

“I think you should leave,” David says, his voice wavering and stance altering slightly. He crosses his arms and Todd takes a breath.

"Fine. I just... I want you to know that every time I think of you, I’m gonna think about what we could’ve been,” he sighs, looks David in the eye again. “A piece of me will always want you. I... I'm never gonna not love you, Dave."

Todd finishes talking, but they’re all counterfeit words. All he wants to do is use David as a distraction and the latter can’t really blame him, can he? He can’t blame him, because Todd’s right - David did the exact same thing. They never actually wanted each other, they just needed to feel something other than the dull ache of heartbreak.

“You don’t love me,” David replies, “you just love the idea of me.”

 

_Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own._

_I could lie, say I like it like that._

_Like it like that._

 

The two stand in silence after that, and Todd moves towards the door. David follows, watches the curve of Todd’s back as he carries himself to the exit because god knows when he’ll be able to look at Todd like this again.

“I’ll miss you,” Todd turns around as he mutters the words, pulling David close and exhaling as the younger allows their lips to collide one last time. David knows Todd doesn’t mean his presence - no matter what happens here, they still have a reputation to uphold. They still have to remain as friends.

He gets it, though. He understands the sentiment - they’ve each seen something that no one else has. Whether that be physically or emotionally, they’ve both shared the most vulnerable parts of themselves with the other person and that’s not something you take lightly.

That’s not something you easily forget.

They part after a moment and David opens his mouth to speak, but falls short. He doesn’t know what to say.

Or at least, that’s what he’s trying to tell himself. In reality, he has an abundance of picture-perfect sentences written out on the back of his eyelids, but he can also feel a pair of hands clawing at his throat because some things are better left unsaid; David needs to learn some self control.

“We shouldn’t fight for something that’ll go nowhere,” he decides to say, and Todd jerkily nods.

They embrace each other one last time, hastily trying to remember the feeling, and then suddenly Todd’s gone.He finally leaves, and it isn’t long before David regrets all but everything that he said. It isn't long before David realises how alone he truly is, how badly he craves Todd by his side.

And yes, Todd _is_ poisonous. He’s toxic, and they’re both reaching blindly for a relationship that isn’t really there, but like David said - he’s addicted to it. That feeling of being reckless, of knowing that he’s doing something so incredibly wrong... he loves it. It’s fucked up and it’s abusive, but Todd loves it too, so can it truly be that bad?

They’re both emotionally stunted - David is fragile, Todd is damaged and each of them are equally miserable. David cares too much about everything and Todd doesn’t care enough about anything, so it doesn’t matter how hard they try because the two of them together will _never_ work out.

They'll never work out, because two wrongs don't make a fucking right. 

David mulls it over. He paces and curses and cries for a while, but soon enough his phone is in his hand and he's calling Todd.

The tone dials, and David is sent straight to the other man’s voicemail. He tries a few more times before resorting to text, choosing to send Todd a single message.

_call me back._

David presses the little blue arrow, halfheartedly throwing his phone onto the table. His head hurts from crying, the constant pain behind his eyes slowly starting to become a problem, so he walks into the kitchen in search of a bottle of water. He grabs one from the fridge and swiftly chugs it, desperate to cure his oncoming migraine and desperate to rinse out his mouth.

Desperate to remove the dirty taste beginning to form on the tip of his tongue. 

 

_But nothing is better sometimes,_

_Once we've both said our goodbyes._

_Let's just let it go,_

_Let me let you go._

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tunglr: cinvmatic.tumblr.com


End file.
